I’ve recently come upon the saying, When the Fisherman cannot go to sea, he stays home and repairs the his nets. I haven’t been able to get it out of my head, so that’s my cue to get writing….
Even with all of the halt in the world, allowing me the time to repair my nets, there is still a rise of anxiety in me to get it all done. Like I have to fix all of my nets right now. And I have actually been feeling anxious about what the future holds, too. (The nets must hold up in bad weather!). Could there not be a worse, more useless way to spend my time? Have I not learned a damn thing in this past year?
I’ve started projects, stories, bought online classes, joined memberships, left memberships, and have felt an analysis paralysis with all of the overthinking I still do. What on earth is it going to take to get me to stop and do one thing at a time, one thought at a time, create a plan for it, then act on the one thing? When will all the disruptions of the day stop? When will school be back in session? When will the dog stop barking? When will someone in the house be able to find something without me? When will I know what the next best business plan is? When will I have the time to execute it? When will the excuses stop? Are these excuses? When do I get to open the windows again and BREATHE. When will I know what my life is going to look like? When, when, when.
Well, I’ve got news to share with you. Spirit has officially and personally hit me in the face with a 2X4 requesting a slow-down and introspection. So here I am, answering this nudge by spirit, writing to you about an anonymous maritime quote. Stay with me. Let’s see where this goes…
This is what I’ve come up with: I will never truly know the “when” of anything. Not when I’m asking the wrong questions and looking at the wrong things. Not when I’m trying to control all things around me as I feel increasingly out of control. Not when I’m looking outward when I should be looking inward.
My experience has shown me that all the good stuff comes in a moment. It’s that gentle yet sudden awareness when I know that I am exactly where I need to be in exactly that moment, and that whatever happens, it’s OK. And those moments build up into a vision, a sensation. For me, it can feel like a beautiful exhale where the breath un-covers something sacred. Some kind of truth that’s been in front of me all along, just beneath the surface. The truth that I get to choose how I respond to this gift of a life I have and I intend to respond with open arms and trust. Even when it’s really super hard.
February has presented the opportunity for me to do some fierce introspection. I’ve gone down the deep dark rabbit holes, facing those shadows head on asking, why are you REALLY here, punk? I didn’t like it down there, but I knew I had to do it. I think that without the restrictions we all still face, it is likely I would have grabbed these important dark moments and thrown them away without looking at them, REALLY looking at them and asking – what can I learn from you? Or, Who the hell invited you? Maybe my overlooking the challenges would have re-created that party of three I used to frequent many years ago, that included Me, Fear and Pity dramatizing over a bottle of whiskey. Those are parties I no longer join. I don’t even RSVP. But without the restrictions placed upon us, I may have missed the TRUE significance of the intense call to action that I am answering right now as I grow and evolve and shift like the rest of us at this time.
As part of my call to action during my part of the paradigm shift in the Age of Aquarius, I choose to let go of the image that everything I’ve ever had to let go of has claw marks on it. Buh-bye. I choose to let go of what I thought my life was going to look like and instead embrace the present, with faith and trust, calling upon the support of all beings in the ordinary and non -ordinary realms. I’m already feeling the results. I am feeling a little lighter, and a little more grounded. My courage is coming back to me. I may not know what lie ahead, but what I do know is that the way I appreciate each moment and live my life with gratitude and love directly influences how well or painful things turn out.
I feel like I need to say that it is important to bear witness to all the moments. Dark. Light. Neutral. Let it all be what it is. Don’t force the dark to be light, or the light to be brighter, or the neutral to be something. Be in the magical moment by letting go of any control or expectation of how you think things should be. We don’t need to be burdened with that. It’s hard. But that’s OK. The Universe always has our backs.
I wonder what the fisherman is thinking when he marvels at the majesty of the sea. Does he find peace in the sunrises that Father Sky offers for him? Is it the same feeling that I get when spirit communicates with me, or when I feel the Ancestors with me when I open my sacred healing space? We are never truly alone.
I imagine that the fisherman trusts in the power of mother nature and respectfully lives his life around that, honoring Her by being grateful for the time he is out at sea, watching the skies, the stars, the swell of Grandmother Ocean. I imagine the fisherman’s trust mirrors the trust that I have in the unconditional love and support of the Angels and of the Universe.
I imagine the fisherman intuitively knowing when the time is coming to stay home to mend his nets. Maybe he even reflects upon his past hauls while doing so. I imagine he gives thanks for the abundance. I imagine he understands the symbiotic relationship between himself and Her. My intuition serves me now to mend my nets as they come to me, while understanding that it is also part of my purpose; helping to heal and mend others, as I do myself.
I am blessed to be able to do what I love. My “work” brings me great joy. The version of how I serve now is exactly where I need to be. When the rest of life comes in and says, OK, time to mend the nets, then I will respectfully listen. I will mend the nets whilst reflecting on my purpose and thinking about the intricacies of the silvery webs of my life. (Maybe I’ll use a spider analogy next month. Ha!).
Witness + Integration + Service = Freedom. When I remember this, my soul feels free. My courage comes back. I hope it works for you, too.
Thanks for reading.