I used to have a best friend named Grace. Hind-sight serves me as understanding it was a relationship based on common vices and emotional dysfunction. But I believe that, too, has its purpose in the divine design for each of our higher good, even if it was an agreement to exist in each other’s vacant spaces of emotional ineptitude. We must have had a soul contract somewhere that said we were meant to serve each other’s highest good. With no real closure in the friendship, this is how I’ve come to understand Grace the human being.
But what this leads me to is the Mystical Force that is Grace and not the past human relationship with Grace. And I find it interesting that right now I do not think of one Grace – a friendship that died over 15 years ago, without thinking of the Divine Grace. Perhaps it’s Venus retrograde, I don’t know. There are smarter people than me who can make those conclusions. I just know what is happening now.
I know is that divine Grace is the force that soothes and calms me. Grace is what I feel when I am calling out to my nature of god and saying- help me, please!! Because I don’t have a fucking clue as to what I need to do. Why am I here? What is my purpose? What value do I add? For how long have I been running from myself, when I thought that I was running toward myself? Now THAT can be a kick in pants.
I walked through the woods the other day. I had a vision from grace. I entered the forest and I said, Great Mother Spirit, what do I need to know today, right now? Help me understand where I am so I can start swimming more and drowning less. And it was grace that instantly led me to a woman, in the Celtic Isles, in a long green robe. I asked, “Who are you?” And she turned to me and said “I am you.”
She was tall (like me) with long red hair (not like me). She was leading her people, her clan, her community, to a new land that that will accommodate their expansion. They were growing abundantly, beautifully and needed to move forward in such a way that would foster their continued growth. She is me. I am her. Grace is leading me to growth, abundance, leadership, love. I am of value. I am a leader of my Clan. I am worthy. My heartfelt energy to those I love IS felt, and understood. I will always lead toward the light of abundant health, love and wealth.
The overwhelming feelings I had around me of support, of FAITH, of that familiar Celtic magic, was immeasurable. I walked through the forest with the most grateful tears in my eyes. I was reassured that I am never alone. My ancestors are always with me. I felt them gather around me and connect to me. They formed a bond of love around me to assure me that in this present day, no matter how far or for how long I walk, I will never walk alone. (Any Liverpool fans out there? This helps me rationalize my deep connection with this soccer ((futbol)) team!)
This experience was probably a long time coming. You see, my husband has been hounding me to “take a day and just drive, just go for a walk, just do something to let go”. As well as he knows me, he hadn’t understood at the time the anxiety his urgings led me to experience. For as long as he’s been saying it, it was just one more thing to do and one more reminder that I didn’t know what I needed to do to “feel better” or wanted or had to have in order to nurture my spirit, calm my nerves, or make me feel normal in a time where there is no more normal, only forward movement; creation. Expansion. I haven’t been ready.
The clichés that have been running the internet and filling everyone’s vocabulary is positively inspiring and infuriating. Inspiring b/c I know that for some person out there somewhere, that cliché has made them feel uplifted, worthy, like they matter. Infuriating because for me because I had to face my own feeling of not being enough or doing enough.
But grace has changed that. Searching my soul for answers to the questions, What nurtures me? Who am I? How am I meant to serve and share? are coming closer. I hear them faintly still, but at least I hear something. They are new. They are a part of my new forward movement.
You’ll Never Walk Alone
By Gerry and the Pacemakers
(the team rally song for Liverpool FC, Premiere League Soccer- best team EVER).
When you walk through a storm
Hold your head up high
And don’t be afraid of the dark
At the end of a storm
There’s a golden sky
And the sweet silver song of a lark
Walk on through the wind
Walk on through the rain
Though your dreams be tossed and blown
Walk on, walk on
With hope in your heart
And you’ll never walk alone…