Find Your People

One thing I’ve always been known for is my direct nature.  Some call it candor.  Some call it unpolished.  Others still may call it something else.  I don’t call it anything.  I am just being me. 
Maybe you’ve heard of this saying: If you find yourself around people who want you to be someone other than who you are, then they aren’t your people.
Lately, somehow, I have found myself around a lot of people who aren’t my people.  And I don’t like how that feels, because on some level I always thought that all people were my people.  I mean, I thought this for a very, very long time.  I’m not an old woman, but I’m not really all that young, either.  I’ve always used my intuition to guide me in the best direction for my highest good and better, and also for the highest good and better of those around me.  I woke up daily feeling like I bring joy to myself and to those around me. I woke up daily feeling like I am guided and loved and that I am here on this earth to help people see their own true path and magnificence, and to help raise the vibration of humanity, one person at a time.   
Recently, however, I’ve been waking up and my mission seems less encompassing.  I find lately that when I wake up in the morning, that it is the 2nd or 3rd time I’m waking up.  My physical body was manifesting stress in such a way that I couldn’t move my shoulders or turn my head for two days. That was a deal breaker for me.  Why? #1 because it isn’t the first time it has happened.  And that really made me stop and say to myself, No More.  I am NOT living my life like this. Because that is not who I want to be.  That is not how I want to be.  And I certainly can’t help or serve other people if I’m feeling like that!  I needed help, big time.  Ironically, the people I usually count on for help, “my people,” were not available or were actually the “cause” (ha-ha- joke’s on me) of some of my agitation.
So what did I do to be able to sit up straight and type this right now?  The night of the worst pain I had– from my head to my neck, to my shoulders and arms, which led to abdominal cramps and restless legs, and charley horses in my toes– THAT night, I crawled into my bed at 8pm, right after I finished reading to my older child. I shut out all the lights.  I put on some low meditation music and I cried.  I cried and I cried and I cried.  And then I meditated, deeply.  Really, really  deeply.  I surrendered to my ancestors, my guides, my angels, my guardian angel. I mean, I called in EVERYONE to help me.  I surrender.  I surrender and I want to feel better.  I want to feel as I ought to feel.  Take this pain from me.  Take this sadness from me.  Take this hurt from me.  Take this worry from me.  Take this despair from me.  I don’t want it.  I don’t need it.  I am too overwhelmed to hold onto this. 
When I conjured up all I thought I possibly could, I finished with my most desperate plea, “Please, Great Mother, take all of this from me and transmute it into glorious compost.”  All of this suffering must be for a purpose, and that’s the only place I could think of to put it,  just in case they all didn’t get the message that I didn’t want it anymore. (LOL!).  There, in my minds eye, I saw all of my pain and melancholy flow from me in a terrible and visceral way.  She took it all.  She transformed it into a vibrant gold energy, flowing like lava, into the earth, creating beautiful things.  I felt the greatest sense of unconditional love and nurturing and safety and release then I ever have.  I felt Spirit and the angles come in and lift me.  I was finally peaceful.
I knew that everything I was holding onto was not necessary.  The worry and stress I was carrying and holding was not necessary.  The tension and responsibility I felt for some things was not necessary.  Perhaps I knew this on some level as I was going along, willingly collecting all of this energetic mayhem and the pile just got too high for me to see around.  So much so that it literally made me collapse.  I didn’t know how I was going to fake it for another night at story time.  I am a believer in not shielding my children from the knowledge that I am an imperfect human being, but during these times I feel that all of our children are suffering enough. I didn’t want them to feel like they had to have the burden of my weight, too. 
So that night, that I meditated/prayed so intently because I was in such a state of desperation, I fell asleep at some point.  And I stayed asleep until the next morning.  I woke up feeling like I was taken care of.  I woke up feeling like I had just come home from a retreat where the only focus was me and my well-being. The world literally looked more clear and focused. 
I still have some residual shoulder pain, but it’s getting better. And it may happen again, but that’s alright.  Because Now I know what to do to help myself feel strong again, bit by bit.   
I wanted to write about this now, because even though I have written so much this month (November 2020), I didn’t feel like I wanted to share anything in this forum in my rotten state. I promised myself that this monthly letter that I send out will always be an authentic and honest rendering of me, and it will be useful and helpful. I don’t want to write fluff pieces or pass on any advice that I don’t believe in.  I trust that my guides are with me on this.  And I do believe that this afternoon as I write, that this came out of me for one of you, or hopefully many of you, to know that you, we, are not alone.
These times that we are living in are causing people to react and respond in all kinds of ways to all kinds of situations. So if you feel tired, stressed, desperate and physically in pain, I would ask you to surrender.  Crawl into that bed at an obscenely early evening hour, shut off the lights, and listen to quiet meditation music.  Feel yourself dissolve into the mattress, see your ethereal body raise up and into the universe, notice all the colors that run through your body, and ask.  Ask for help.  Ask for the pain to be taken away.  Ask for the sadness to be taken away.  Ask to be lifted and brought to a place where your light can be rekindled and shine, for your own sake and for that of humanity. And remember to say please. 😉
We ALL have a light in us.  Sometimes, we just need a little help from our people, carnate or incarnate, to help give us a lift.   
Happy Thanksgiving.

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