The Season of LIGHT

Yule.  The Winer Solstice.  Twinkling lights everywhere all month long.  My favorite time of year!  I feel like I have so much I want to share with you, whilst feeling the need and the urge to be solitary, quiet, introspective.  So I’m going to do a little of both. 
 
Sometimes when I’m looking for a little motivation or prompt to write, I pull some cards.  To be fair, I love cards and don’t need that much of an excuse.  But today as I write I pulled 2 cards for myself:  The Hermit and the 3 of Coins: 
 

 
For those of you who know tarot, I mean, you just can’t make this stuff up!  This is exactly how I feel, and also a signpost for me to share with you this lovely combination of cards. 
 
When The Hermit fell out of the deck (a “jumper”) he landed right side up.  When I pulled the 3 of Coins, he came out reversed (I pictured it upright here so you can see it better).  The two cards together are asking us to do some solitary introspection about what it is that gives meaning to our life and what we need to do to get there.  Are you doing the work you love?  Do you feel like you are making a difference in this world?  Now is the time to think about these things and dig down deep into your heart and soul to see what answers you find.  For me, it’s got to come from the heart. Our life’s work and how we are meant to serve may not always be inextricable, however, there is always a thread of love and meaning we can add to our lives by living with purpose.  I truly believe that EVERYONE has a gift to share.  What is yours?
 
This time of year is so perfect and cozy for going within. We are further being nudge by these energies as the pandemic continues to rage on in the US.  Many of us are not traveling, or gathering as we usually do for the holiday season.  Use this month’s festivities of light to be the glow of your lantern that leads you to your peaceful solace, your cave of reflection, introspection and nurturing.  The Hermit understands compassion and love.  He returns from his time in solitude to shine his light of revelations unto the world.  He shares his wisdom and gifts and acts upon them. And, as the cards above show us, he enters his cave with the resolve to contemplate his craft.  What are the gifts he shares with the world that will sustain him?  The fruits of his labor will manifest in coming months.
 
The suit of Coins/Pentacles and The Hermit are also indicative of spirituality.  As coins represent all of the earthly gains we need and want to have in this world (the home, the car, the bank account) it also reminds us of laws of attraction and the agreements we made coming into this lifetime.  The more we are grateful, and show our gratitude for that which we have, the universe will respond in kind.  It is especially important to do this on the hard days.  And as the Hermit moves towards his cave, it is his dedication to his spiritual development and trust in his faith that allows him to stay there for as long as necessary; that could mean until the spring equinox, when the earth begins to stir again, or until the first sign of the longer days after Yule.  He trusts.  Do you?
 
These are some questions you can ask yourself when considering the cards above:

  • What skills do I have that I love, that I can turn into something meaningful and sustainable for myself?
  • Am I happy with what I am doing now? 
  • Do I have the courage to be alone with my thoughts?
  • Am I afraid of being alone?
  • Am I ready to search within for the next step on my path to personal and spiritual fulfillment?
  • Am I willing to take a risk, to leave the safe world behind and do what I truly want to do?
  • Is there a wise person in my life who could help me find my true path?

Other profound events this month have to do with the powerful planetary activity.  The new moon solar eclipse on the 15th was a biggie.  Eclipses are intensifying energy.  Since the new moon is a good time for intention setting and planting seeds, the energy of the eclipse amplified that.
 
I found myself writing out 4 full pages of intentions as part of my new moon ritual this month!  Wow!  Many of my intentions surrounded my healing practice and what I want it to look like for the year ahead and beyond.   So you can see how that 3 of coins and Hermit energy also resonates so strongly.
 
Also, If you’re able to get out at night between now and the 21st, you will see how Jupiter and Saturn get close enough together to create the appearance of a bright large star! This is famed to be the Star of Bethlehem.  We haven’t seen the likes of this kind of star from anywhere between 800-2000 years!  Wow!
 
And if that wasn’t glorious enough, we are also heading into the Age of Aquarius- a time of hope and new beginnings.  Old paradigms are unraveling quickly.  We will feel this shift and it will not feel good, as many transitions don’t feel great.  It’ll be like feeling the sting after ripping off the band aid.  Hang on!  Don’t lose faith.  Occupy your time with things that make you feel good, and talk to people who do the same.  Laugh.  Write.  Draw.  Tell dirty jokes.  Play card games.  Read.  Experiment.  Play in the snow.  Organize your photos.  Clean out closets. Tell someone you love them.  Whatever you need to do to keep the light in you glowing.  Expect miracles. 
 
This spring will be the new dawn for all of us.  This is the door opening to a new world illuminated with times of truth and forward movement, for the next 200 years. What an amazing time to be alive. 
 
From the bottom of my heart, I wish you all peace and the space for quiet and meaningful reflection of how you want your life to look in 2021 and beyond. Remember, the day is always darkest just before the brightest dawn. 
 
Blessed Be and a Merry Yule to you!
Until we meet again!
 
Love,
Julie.
 
 *Deck is Ciro Marchetti’s Legacy of the Divine Tarot

Find Your People

One thing I’ve always been known for is my direct nature.  Some call it candor.  Some call it unpolished.  Others still may call it something else.  I don’t call it anything.  I am just being me. 
 
Maybe you’ve heard of this saying: If you find yourself around people who want you to be someone other than who you are, then they aren’t your people.
 
Lately, somehow, I have found myself around a lot of people who aren’t my people.  And I don’t like how that feels, because on some level I always thought that all people were my people.  I mean, I thought this for a very, very long time.  I’m not an old woman, but I’m not really all that young, either.  I’ve always used my intuition to guide me in the best direction for my highest good and better, and also for the highest good and better of those around me.  I woke up daily feeling like I bring joy to myself and to those around me. I woke up daily feeling like I am guided and loved and that I am here on this earth to help people see their own true path and magnificence, and to help raise the vibration of humanity, one person at a time.   
 
Recently, however, I’ve been waking up and my mission seems less encompassing.  I find lately that when I wake up in the morning, that it is the 2nd or 3rd time I’m waking up.  My physical body was manifesting stress in such a way that I couldn’t move my shoulders or turn my head for two days. That was a deal breaker for me.  Why? #1 because it isn’t the first time it has happened.  And that really made me stop and say to myself, No More.  I am NOT living my life like this. Because that is not who I want to be.  That is not how I want to be.  And I certainly can’t help or serve other people if I’m feeling like that!  I needed help, big time.  Ironically, the people I usually count on for help, “my people,” were not available or were actually the “cause” (ha-ha- joke’s on me) of some of my agitation.
 
So what did I do to be able to sit up straight and type this right now?  The night of the worst pain I had– from my head to my neck, to my shoulders and arms, which led to abdominal cramps and restless legs, and charley horses in my toes– THAT night, I crawled into my bed at 8pm, right after I finished reading to my older child. I shut out all the lights.  I put on some low meditation music and I cried.  I cried and I cried and I cried.  And then I meditated, deeply.  Really, really  deeply.  I surrendered to my ancestors, my guides, my angels, my guardian angel. I mean, I called in EVERYONE to help me.  I surrender.  I surrender and I want to feel better.  I want to feel as I ought to feel.  Take this pain from me.  Take this sadness from me.  Take this hurt from me.  Take this worry from me.  Take this despair from me.  I don’t want it.  I don’t need it.  I am too overwhelmed to hold onto this. 
 
When I conjured up all I thought I possibly could, I finished with my most desperate plea, “Please, Great Mother, take all of this from me and transmute it into glorious compost.”  All of this suffering must be for a purpose, and that’s the only place I could think of to put it,  just in case they all didn’t get the message that I didn’t want it anymore. (LOL!).  There, in my minds eye, I saw all of my pain and melancholy flow from me in a terrible and visceral way.  She took it all.  She transformed it into a vibrant gold energy, flowing like lava, into the earth, creating beautiful things.  I felt the greatest sense of unconditional love and nurturing and safety and release then I ever have.  I felt Spirit and the angles come in and lift me.  I was finally peaceful.
 
I knew that everything I was holding onto was not necessary.  The worry and stress I was carrying and holding was not necessary.  The tension and responsibility I felt for some things was not necessary.  Perhaps I knew this on some level as I was going along, willingly collecting all of this energetic mayhem and the pile just got too high for me to see around.  So much so that it literally made me collapse.  I didn’t know how I was going to fake it for another night at story time.  I am a believer in not shielding my children from the knowledge that I am an imperfect human being, but during these times I feel that all of our children are suffering enough. I didn’t want them to feel like they had to have the burden of my weight, too. 
 
So that night, that I meditated/prayed so intently because I was in such a state of desperation, I fell asleep at some point.  And I stayed asleep until the next morning.  I woke up feeling like I was taken care of.  I woke up feeling like I had just come home from a retreat where the only focus was me and my well-being. The world literally looked more clear and focused. 
 
I still have some residual shoulder pain, but it’s getting better. And it may happen again, but that’s alright.  Because Now I know what to do to help myself feel strong again, bit by bit.   
 
I wanted to write about this now, because even though I have written so much this month (November 2020), I didn’t feel like I wanted to share anything in this forum in my rotten state. I promised myself that this monthly letter that I send out will always be an authentic and honest rendering of me, and it will be useful and helpful. I don’t want to write fluff pieces or pass on any advice that I don’t believe in.  I trust that my guides are with me on this.  And I do believe that this afternoon as I write, that this came out of me for one of you, or hopefully many of you, to know that you, we, are not alone.
 
These times that we are living in are causing people to react and respond in all kinds of ways to all kinds of situations. So if you feel tired, stressed, desperate and physically in pain, I would ask you to surrender.  Crawl into that bed at an obscenely early evening hour, shut off the lights, and listen to quiet meditation music.  Feel yourself dissolve into the mattress, see your ethereal body raise up and into the universe, notice all the colors that run through your body, and ask.  Ask for help.  Ask for the pain to be taken away.  Ask for the sadness to be taken away.  Ask to be lifted and brought to a place where your light can be rekindled and shine, for your own sake and for that of humanity. And remember to say please. 😉
 
We ALL have a light in us.  Sometimes, we just need a little help from our people, carnate or incarnate, to help give us a lift.   
 
Happy Thanksgiving.
 
Love,
Julie.

DRIFT

(I’m inviting you to eavesdrop on a conversation I had with a dear friend.  I hope you find it useful.  I know at least one of you out there will.) 

ME:
So what’s it got to do with you anyway?

HER:
Sometimes I want to drift away.  I don’t want to be here.  I want to be in the place where I go when I meditate.  I want to be in the vast blackness, the void, the center of creation and say f*ck you to all of this noise around me.  I can do this.  I have free will.  I don’t need to make excuses.  Just cut to it- see you later- I’m outta here.

ME:
Well, guess what?  I think that’s pretty damn selfish.  Yes, the world has run amuck.  But you know what? It needs to.  We are not here by chance.  You’ve heard me say it 100 times before.  The world is FULL of people like you and me who stand our ground and have faith in our relationships and connections and family.  The world is FULL of people who care and want change.  The world is FULL of people who want to smile, be happy, go to a pub with friends, go out to eat and have a babysitter, AND are willing to wait to make that happen again.  You know what I think?  I think that there are way more people who want to do that than there are people who don’t. 

Who cares if it’s a Biden supporter, trump supporter, whatever supporter.  Who cares if they believe in the corona virus or waves an oversized flag from the back of their pick-up truck.  Who cares if the hate gets louder than the love? 

Well, I care.  You care.  Isn’t that right?  Everyone is so sick and tired of being sick and tired, etc., but hey, we are at a critical time in our own personal history as well as world history.  It’s not up to one individual to change the world.  It’s not up to one person to rescue us.  Remember this, there is never is anyone coming to rescue us.  It’s a fraud.   It’s a guru who takes all your money.  Don’t believe it. 
The power of the collective change lies within the power of the INDIVIDUAL to change HERSELF.  Our own vibrations MUST be raised. High road, low road, no road- doesn’t matter.  What matters is how you manage your OWN energy.   What matters is how you treat the people around you, your family, your neighbors.  Don’t take your anger out on the innocents.  Don’t be grumpy to your family because your vibration is low, because you’re not getting what you want and you feel like you need to stomp your foot about it.  LOOK INSIDE.  That’s where it all is!  LOOK INSIDE.

Take a big, long, deep breath, hold it, exhale loudly and for as long as it takes to get all of the excess air out of you.  Now do that 3 times.  Done? Go look in the mirror.  Ask your beautiful self WHO DO I WANT TO BE?  Do you want to be angry, resentful, pissed off, cranky, nasty, bitter, riddled with anxiety, weight issues, addiction issues and constant bad breath or canker sores because you speak with such vitriol and complaints? OR do you want to wake up every day and FEEL GOOD?  Because tough nuts. It’s a choice. 

How will you wake up tomorrow?  How will you wake up November 4th? How will you wake up one week from now?  How will you wake up on 01/01/2021?

Personally, man on man, I’ve been in some slumps.  Then this all comes back to me and I get off the angry train. I realize that I have the ability to bring JOY to myself and others just by being me.  It’s within ME.  Just like it’s within YOU.  It is entirely within our control.  I will not surround myself by gossip, complainers, nay-sayers and anything else the weighs my vibe down.  It’s ok.  I can do that.  AND I can still love those people.  But if I want to see real change in the world, I need to see real change and love in my world first. If I want to be a meaningful part of this existence, that’s what I need to do.  If I want to create an abundant world for my children & grandchildren that they cannot just survive in but THRIVE in, then I’m going to do everything I can to raise my vibration and live with purpose and on purpose.  It’s time to live from the soul.  Every. Damn. Day.

Sure, it’s tempting to drift away.  Until it’s not. 

Thanks for reading!
Love,
Julie.

What is Getting Ready to Emerge?

This is my dominating thought as of late.

The new moon was on Sept 17.  2 days after my mom’s birthday, 8 days before my own.

The new moon is the time and space that shows us what to build up, what to focus on.  The new Moon is the perfect time for INTENTION setting. 

So what IS getting ready to emerge?  What is this shift we are all feeling?  What do I do as I sit in this liminal space and feel all the feels?  Where do I put this anxious energy from not knowing?  HOW do I get comfortable in such an uncomfortable space?

Global shifts are happening.  Individual transformations are happening.  We are challenging our own thoughts processes.  We are questioning our mores, our purpose and asking where we fit into this world right now.  These are all related and interconnected.  How do you suppose we all feel something at the same time? 

We are in the birth canal of the Universe. 

Now, collectively and individually, and as one interconnected being, we are experiencing the birthing pains of bringing something new and beautiful into existence.  We are feeling the contractions, the cramps, the back pain.  We are sweating, grinding our teeth, yelling, swearing at those we love most. We are crying.  We are pissed.  We are vulnerable. We are scared.

Yet, we persevere.

We still give birth.

We still recognize the miracle and hold it in our arms.

We still find time to rest.

We feel our vessel for love expand.  Even as we recover.

We are in labor now.  What will you birth?  What does the newly created miracle look like?  Embrace it.  Sing to it.  Rock it.  Nurture it with love and compassion.  What does the newly created life that you hold in your arms look like? 

From this liminal space comes miracles, new paradigms.

We realize we are resilient, we are strong, we are beautiful and we are loved.

The time to love is now.  The time to see our own true magnificence is now.  The time to lend a hand to hold another up, is now.  The time to heal and be healed is now. 

Face the darkness whilst embracing the light.  Envision the world, around the earth, and activate your sacred self, the light within.  See it shine so brightly that there isn’t room for anything else.  The shadows grow small.  The plants come back to life.  The illusions dissipate.  All that was becomes only a faint sound on the horizon, being carried away by the wind.

I remember a powerful time:

I remember a time of love

I remember a time of freedom

I remember a time of unity

I remember a time of purpose

I don’t remember which life time that’s from, but I feel it in my soul, my core, the vessel of light that I am.  That you are.  That we all are.  It can be done. It’s time.  I can feel it.  It’s in the birth canal, emerging as we read this.

And so it is.

And so it is.

And so it is.

***

It’s time for me to take my healing practice off “pause” mode. 

Scheduling links are up at juliehumphreys.com. My availability has changed significantly.  Don’t hesitate to reach out if you need something else.

Services have been changed and added. 

Go where you feel guided.  Ask Spirit and the Angels for help and then follow the breadcrumbs…

Thanks for listening.

In love and light and gratitude,

now and always,

Julie 

Mother of Water and Fire

I’m washing my hands listlessly in the water.  I feel the plant life and the coolness.  I sense the breathability and ease of the water.  I don’t move my hands from the water because I sense that this is how I need to be, this is how I am meant to feel. I need to feel things wash over me, easily, naturally.  It’s not joyful or exhilarating, just contentment.  Relaxation comes with the crickets, with a hammock, with a good book.  It’s quiet.  It’s peaceful.  The only sounds I hear are the ones we have all forgotten about; breezes, rustling leaves, the sound of a spider’s footsteps on the tree next to me.  A cacophony of sounds that is nature’s orchestra.

I crave this sense of stillness and fullness more.  I feel it is a calling home, a signal.   I silently wonder, why do I need to be a part of the world that yells and hates? It only makes me yell and fearful and defensive.   But even with all of the noise in the world, the peeps keep to their trees and sing to one another, hopeful for their next generation of music makers.  I don’t need promises or guarantees. But am I a fool to be hopeful for my next generation? For this generation?

It’s in the stillness of Mother Earth’s heart where I am nurtured, loved, fed, caressed, and gently lulled into re-membering where I come from, where we all come from.  It’s where I re-member who I am.  I feel my future pull more and more and I become restless with the space I’m in and the space I am meant to be in.  Yet, I re-member I am no bigger than the grain of sand on the shore.  I re-member that the light within is much brighter and more powerful than any darkness that dances on the outside, on the perimeter, antagonizing, spewing fear, fueling hate and disconnection. In The Quiet of the void I feel full and contented, even with so much discord around me.  It bears little significance.  This will pass.  This will pass.  This will pass.

It’s so much easier to feel and to write than to talk.  Sometimes talking ruins everything.  Sometimes talking becomes yelling and shouting.  Expectations are placed.  Frustration and irritation rise up.  We interrupt each other.  Sometimes we all talk at once and it reminds me of the idiot at the campfire, squirting lighter fluid onto the fire from five feet away, stinking everything up, reckless, ignorant, self- serving.  The truth is, we are all safe around the fire when we light it gradually, mindfully, intentionally.  Then everyone stays warm and has a spot for their marshmallow. There is plenty for everyone. There is no lack.  No bursts of toxic smoke.  No fear.  Just easy breathing and connection and shared story telling. 

I often put out words to the Universe for inspiration, for healing, for intention.  Dear Mother, please nestle me in your greatness, your power.  Awaken in me the memory of my greatness, my strength and my ability and purpose to be a part of the world.

In this space of relaxation, in nature, between the setting sun and the rising moon, nothing is forced.  Being is easy.  Doing is not necessary. It’s just a natural state of being in love and gratitude.  I will return to this place in my soul time and time again.  And the need to be there grows more and more.  I am a spiritual being inside a human being.  I believe we all are.  Just as the water flows, and plant life grows, and peeps peep and crickets chirp, I need to just BE.  Catch my breath, feel my heart energy and align with who I am meant to be on this planet.  Trust Love Confidence Service Surrender.

I’m next to a fire, I stare into the flames, I close my eyes and re-member my ancestors dancing around the fires before me, celebrating, honoring and giving gratitude to all that is.  They dance and celebrate as one.  They venerate their elders, and each other.  They cuddle their young.  They are strong because they are awake and live as grateful beings.  They take care of each other.  They love each other.

I will not give up my visions or my dreams.  The fire which resides in me rises up like the swift movement of an eagle catching an air current, wings spread wide, floating, watching, being. 

We are being called to rise swiftly onto our own wind current of dreams and hold our vision of a utopia, of a better world.   We are being called to enter the new paradigm as unified beings, with open eyes and hearts and fearless optimism.  We are being called to re-member the grace and strength within all of us and re-member how it CONNECTS all of us.  Re-member that the darkness cannot sustain in love and light.   When we remain unified, connected and honor the light within each other there is no place for darkness to flourish.

Living from Curiosity (because I can’t think of doing it any other way right now).

Say, for a moment, that the functional yet grand illusion of time and space and the existence of the past, present and future are happening at once is the “norm”.

Say, for a moment, we lived in such deep gratitude every day that that life flowed within us and through us easily, abundantly, gracefully.

Say, for a moment, that all of the tragedies and wrong doings stopped and morphed into magic, as if something from the future pulls it through a filter of love and transmutes all the darkness and ignorance.

Say, for a moment, that it’s YOU who is transmuted.  Who would you be? Or rather, who ARE you?

To be washed with the rays of loving golden light is an experience we all have access to.

How do we get there? How do we un-stick ourselves from the pain, suffering and chaos of the present illusory moment we are experiencing?

When December 30th, 2020 comes, there will be a great bright white light around it.  Transmutation, the filtering of light through our energetic bodies will wash us fully, deeply, intentionally.

I always feel so anxious and edgy and filled with heartburn before and during transformation.  It is so uncomfortable mentally, spiritually, physically, emotionally- and I’m SUPER crabby even though I try not to be- even though I am fully understanding what is happening. 

I think the evolution/transformation of us all is meant to transmute sickness- spiritual sickness and all of its symptoms- through the gorgeous vessel of unconditional love that awaits each of us. 

The paradigm shift is a part of the magic and natural order of “things”.  Do not despair the heaviness of things.  Live as if being magnificent is your only true nature.  In other words, live as who you are truly are, with all of the power of the Universe and the gods and goddesses behind you.  All of the love that existed then, now and in the future is with you, surrounding you.  Say, for a moment, you can feel that energy pulsing through you.

The discomfort, the awkwardness, the fatigue, the physical sensations that guide you down the road of dismay, fear, self-pity or helplessness is there to remind you to RE-member that the SELF is divine.  Each Self has a piece of the divine within.  YOU are loved.  Re-member, at any time, you can move through the filter and transmute the darkness you are experiencing.  Be the butterfly.  Be the snake that sheds its skin.  Be brave and live and walk the path meant for you, the magnificent being that you are. With this change comes a new era on planet earth that we were born for.

FYI!

As some of you may know, I have placed my healing practice on pause.  This is a temporary arrangement.  Like many of you, my life’s schedule is in flux.  Since COVID came to town, I jumped back into my role as primary caregiver to my family, including homeschooling, which may come again intermittently (yikes!).  This shift leaves me with little left to give at the end of the day.  I am practicing careful self-care during this time; reading leisurely, pursuing creative endeavors with no agenda, being very present with my children, writing what comes to me… This is what fits best for me now in this new world we live in.  I’m following my curiosity as a child may follow a butterfly. I am called to just BE. And that takes practice and patience!

That said, I have every intention of UN-pausing my healing practice in the coming months, as guided. My mission remains clear and steadfast: I walk this earth to help raise the healing vibration of the individual and thereby the collective.  This PAUSE is by no means a DELETE.

When I return, all healings and spiritual work will be done online via ZOOM and will include more Shamanic Healing practices. I am also hopeful to have some online Tarot classes available in the fall.  Needless to say, I look forward to re-emerging with new gifts and treasures for you! I miss you!

And now, I am doing what is right for me, and I hope you are doing what is right for you.  You will still hear from me with my Monthly Word and I’ll keep you updated with news and announcements. You can also find me on Facebook and Instagram.

It’s a new world! The virus is not going away and nothing will go back as it was.  I believe that to be the truth.  Not everything is wonderful, nor ever is it.  BUT we can listen to one another.  We can respond to the demands of the new world paradigm with curiosity and compassion.  We can feel all of our feelings and still emerge with a new understanding of who we all are and be the change we want to see in the world for the better.  That process is how we recognize the magic that is in us and all around us.

Be well!

Love,

Julie.

FLEXIBILITY

+RE

retrograde

retreat

remember

realign

redesign

recall

reboot

renew

readjust

All of the RE words above require flexibility for transformation.  Time alone to think and recreate something new; getting rid of what is no longer useful and integrating the wisdom learned and all of those things that are useful, that add value, that are necessary. 

We currently have five planets in retrograde.  What does that mean? Well, I am not an astrologer but I know a lot of people who are and I learn from watching and listening to them.  I have learned that just having one planet in retrograde, Mercury, means to slow down, look both ways, and proceed with caution.  So, imagine five planets, one of which is Mercury, that are retrograde means SLOW THE F*CK DOWN, look both ways again, remember who you are, where you came from and think about who you want to be. Then you can think about crossing the road or confronting that person, or signing that contract…   Re-member, Re-call, Re-think….  It’s a good time to be inward, to re-flect.  We have the “go inward” part pretty down pat by now, don’t we?  March 2020 was the time that America began to stay at home thanks to COVID19, well, most parts of America anyway….  but this Monthly Word is not about that.

Also this month, we will experience the Summer Solstice.  It’s the longest day of the year and a very powerful time of the year.  Here in New England it is going to be hot hot hot hot!  Just the way I like it on the Solstice (then I start to eagerly count down the days until the Winter Solstice!).  We are all in the middle of some very powerful and profound energy.  The whole world is waking up and feeling it.   

But to be here now, in the present moment, with the forced slow down due to the pandemic, the forced look in the mirror with all of the racial upheaval and injustice, the self-imposed slow down due to the retrogrades, the natural slow down due to 90+ degree heat, the power and energy the Solstice brings… to be present with all of this and feel the blessings of the moment is an incredible feeling and also incredibly challenging.  In all of the turmoil, there is quiet.  In all of the heat, there is cool water to dip my feet into.  In all of the conflict, there is the peace in my home. In all of the noise, there is beautiful music to be heard.  I look forward to having the time to think about who I want to be through this phase of the moon and in history; how I can expand creatively to help others learn how to heal themselves. 

And none of this can happen without flexibility.  I’ll let you in on a secret: I’m not as good with change & flexibility as I seem to be.  HA!  My schedule is one thing, then it’s another.  I have to ride the ebb and flow of the needs of my family.  And for months it’s been nothing short of inconsistent, tumultuous and unpredictable.   I don’t thrive like this.  I don’t create my best work like this.  I don’t properly vent my frustrations and anger with the world like this.  I don’t maintain my strongest spiritual practice like this.  I don’t LIKE this.

For me, where flexibility is absent, resentment blossoms and self-righteousness blooms.  There is EGO and DRAMA screaming and clawing at the door saying I Demand To Be Let In!!!! You Must Listen To ME!!!!!!  But the thing is that flexibility is necessary in order to be present and it’s also necessary for growth.  There is a saying that I identify with very much:  “Anything I’ve ever had to let go of has claw marks in it.” 

I’d like to think that I’m better than what I used to be, that I’m more easygoing.  But recent times have me struggling with this idea of being flexible.  I have been feeling that being flexible means having to sacrifice.  And then I act like the martyr.  (Eye roll here).  We all know how much fun it is to be around a martyr.  However, I’m glad I have traversed the thickest part of the forest with this and now getting ready to emerge into the meadow.  I wouldn’t even be able to write any of this if I wasn’t.  But it’s not going to happen at all without first remembering who I am, then retreating to think about who I want to be, and then re-adjusting and re-emerging as whole, fresh and ready. 

I know I am not here to play small.  I know I am here to help people heal themselves.  But I also know that I am human and I need to continually breakdown and de-construct in order to grow and evolve into who I am meant to be.   Flexibility is a key element in this equation.  I am forever grateful for all of the amazing humans I have in my life to help me through this.  I guess you could say I get by with a little help from my friends.

Thank you for reading this. I hope it has made you smile or feel inspired in some small way.  Stay strong! Stay flexible!

Grace and the LFC

I used to have a best friend named Grace.  Hind-sight serves me as understanding it was a relationship based on common vices and emotional dysfunction.  But I believe that, too, has its purpose in the divine design for each of our higher good, even if it was an agreement to exist in each other’s vacant spaces of emotional ineptitude. We must have had a soul contract somewhere that said we were meant to serve each other’s highest good.  With no real closure in the friendship, this is how I’ve come to understand Grace the human being. 

But what this leads me to is the Mystical Force that is Grace and not the past human relationship with Grace. And I find it interesting that right now I do not think of one Grace – a friendship that died over 15 years ago, without thinking of the Divine Grace.  Perhaps it’s Venus retrograde, I don’t know.  There are smarter people than me who can make those conclusions.  I just know what is happening now. 

I know is that divine Grace is the force that soothes and calms me.  Grace is what I feel when I am calling out to my nature of god and saying- help me, please!! Because I don’t have a fucking clue as to what I need to do.  Why am I here?  What is my purpose?  What value do I add?  For how long have I been running from myself, when I thought that I was running toward myself?  Now THAT can be a kick in pants. 

I walked through the woods the other day.  I had a vision from grace.  I entered the forest and I said, Great Mother Spirit, what do I need to know today, right now?  Help me understand where I am so I can start swimming more and drowning less.  And it was grace that instantly led me to a woman, in the Celtic Isles, in a long green robe.  I asked, “Who are you?” And she turned to me and said “I am you.” 

She was tall (like me) with long red hair (not like me).  She was leading her people, her clan, her community, to a new land that that will accommodate their expansion. They were growing abundantly, beautifully and needed to move forward in such a way that would foster their continued growth. She is me.  I am her.  Grace is leading me to growth, abundance, leadership, love. I am of value.  I am a leader of my Clan.  I am worthy.  My heartfelt energy to those I love IS felt, and understood.  I will always lead toward the light of abundant health, love and wealth.

The overwhelming feelings I had around me of support, of FAITH, of that familiar Celtic magic, was immeasurable.  I walked through the forest with the most grateful tears in my eyes. I was reassured that I am never alone.  My ancestors are always with me.  I felt them gather around me and connect to me.  They formed a bond of love around me to assure me that in this present day, no matter how far or for how long I walk, I will never walk alone. (Any Liverpool fans out there?  This helps me rationalize my deep connection with this soccer ((futbol)) team!)

This experience was probably a long time coming.  You see, my husband has been hounding me to “take a day and just drive, just go for a walk, just do something to let go”.  As well as he knows me, he hadn’t understood at the time the anxiety his urgings led me to experience.  For as long as he’s been saying it, it was just one more thing to do and one more reminder that I didn’t know what I needed to do to “feel better” or wanted or had to have in order to nurture my spirit, calm my nerves, or make me feel normal in a time where there is no more normal, only forward movement; creation. Expansion. I haven’t been ready.  

The clichés that have been running the internet and filling everyone’s vocabulary is positively inspiring and infuriating.  Inspiring b/c I know that for some person out there somewhere, that cliché has made them feel uplifted, worthy, like they matter.  Infuriating because for me because I had to face my own feeling of not being enough or doing enough.

But grace has changed that.  Searching my soul for answers to the questions, What nurtures me? Who am I?  How am I meant to serve and share? are coming closer.  I hear them faintly still, but at least I hear something.  They are new.  They are a part of my new forward movement. 

You’ll Never Walk Alone

By Gerry and the Pacemakers

(the team rally song for Liverpool FC, Premiere League Soccer- best team EVER). 


When you walk through a storm
Hold your head up high
And don’t be afraid of the dark

At the end of a storm
There’s a golden sky
And the sweet silver song of a lark

Walk on through the wind
Walk on through the rain
Though your dreams be tossed and blown

Walk on, walk on
With hope in your heart
And you’ll never walk alone…

TRAUMA V DEPRESSION AND THE COLLECTIVE

I learned something yesterday that I really want to share.

What I learned is that there is a different way of feeling between being depressed and experiencing trauma.  I learned that Depression is most often an internal job, whether it be chemical or our own thoughts and beliefs about ourselves.  However, TRAUMA is something different.  With trauma, we experience feelings in response to an external cause that we cannot control.  Now, if you’re a therapy professional and that’s not exactly on target, just hear me out. 

I have heard one person use the word “trauma” in reference to the pandemic and the context was how it affects children- emotionally and socially.  There is tremendous loss our kids are feeling, and uncertainty, and that makes them feel un-safe.  So tantrums and meltdowns will be fast and furious and frequent. I don’t know about you, but the goings on in my household supports that hypothesis.

What the WORLD is experiencing now is TRAUMA.  There is an external, invisible force out of our control, threatening us and forcing us to change our ways- how we think, how we interact with each other, how we view ourselves, how we notice our own thoughts and behaviors.

Lately, I have been experiencing a lot of APATHY.  I am NOT MOTIVATED to do anything.  No writing, no creating, no meditating, my spiritual practice has been completely thrown off.  In fact, if it weren’t for my 2 elementary aged kids that needed homeschooling, I would probably be in bed for most of the day, or staring out the window thinking about all the things I could be doing, but don’t b/c I just don’t feel like I give a shit anymore.  So I thought I was depressed.  Thing is, when I’ve been low before, I tend to not stay there very long.  This however, has felt like an eternity. It feels much heavier. 

Also, as an empath, as an intuitive, as someone who works with the frequencies of energy in a super sensitive way- I also experience the feeling of “the collective”.  We are all connected- deny it all you want, but it’s there is a collective consciousness.  And right now, there is a COLLECTIVE MOURNING.  

So what I’ve been experiencing lately is trauma on both a personal and collective level.  The mourning, the loss, the inability to feel, the lack of passion with an underlying level of major stress, manifested physically through the skin on my hands that look “burned” with psoriasis or something like it.

So here’s the deal.  We, the people, don’t seem to know anything. We don’t know when this is going to end or how.  Will schools open up in the fall? Will kids just forever learn to not hug people anymore?  We have no control.  That said, I feel strongly that we need to live responsibly.  Masks, social distancing for ourselves and for our neighbors.  But that’s pretty much all we can do. 

So you know what I want to do? I want to live NOW with LOVE and COMPASSION and KINDNESS—yea, to you, but to ME FIRST!!  It all starts within. 

I have adapted the strategy of looking forward to the other side of this pandemic.  What’s my new vision going to be? How will I get there?  Where will I go? Who will I visit first? Will I make a hug chart and try to log in as many hugs as I can?

This all reminds me of the Tower card in the tarot deck.

The Tower brings with it disaster, fast.  It pulls the rug out from underneath us, threatening all of our beliefs- everything we thought to be true is challenged by the Tower.  We are living in the times of the Tower, for sure.  We have been sitting safely in the confines of our own life, and now that is gone.  We realize that our comfort was based on false beliefs and actions. We are faced to see the truth; a cleaner earth when we humans are confined to our homes, the undeniable connection that we are all connected b/c this virus does not discriminate.  Now, we see the cracks in our foundation.  We see the parts of it that were built upon blindness, excess, fear dressed as “security”.  At the very least, the experience is intensely humbling.

As in nature, and all creation cycles, we know that from chaos and destruction comes birth, new life, creativity.  So the choice is ours.  On the other side of this, will we choose to revert to old patterns of fear and behavior that keep us in the dark? Or do we create a new vison, something more meaningful and connected. I realize now how much I DON’T have to do in order to feel happy. 

Ringing in my ears a lot lately is some advice given to me by an old Cherokee medicine woman I’ve visited a couple of times.  She said that whatever the problem is, love is always the answer. You can never go wrong when you infuse a situation with love, kindness and humility.  With that piece of wisdom in mind during the upcoming months, I look forward to discovering my new vision and also the new vision of the collective.

Times Like These

Let in the light

May this moment of deep unrest be the fever that serves to heal us.
~ Marianne Williamson

I’m realizing that I’m trying to craft a response to something that cannot be responded to within the confines of language.  But without language, how do I serve and communicate? Words matter.  Yes, words matter.  They can start wars and make us fall in love.  But what is really happening? 

I am continually and abruptly being brought back into the reality that I live in a world where people don’t see themselves or each other as spiritual beings having a human experience.  You see, we all have a piece of the divine in us.  We enter this dimension here in our exquisite, unique beauty.  We are all a segment of the larger whole.  We all come from the same place.  I believe this in my heart to be true true true.   I am also aware that my heart is breaking.  

It IS always darkest before the dawn.  Those here in life protesting, speaking up, standing out, saying ENOUGH! I wonder if they understand how  important they are.  George Floyd may have never thought in his earth life that he would spark such change, such fury, such exposure.  Black Lives Matter.  You bet your ass they do.  

The throbbing, heaving, breathlessness of society , of the collective, is rising higher and higher with each murder of a black human by a white human.  You can’t say you don’t see color.  It’s part of our gift.  It’s part of our beauty.  Color is there so we can appreciate and revel in each others luminosity.  But something went wrong.  Instead, we let what is supposed to be so beautiful create a cravasse  so big, that we can only hear our own words echoing off the canyon walls.  

So instead, lets gather – 6 feet apart, with our masks on , with hand sanitizer in our pocket.  In your prayer or mediation, see yourself holding hands with each beautiful, creative, loving, strong human next to you.  Put down the guns, the batons, like so many have already.  See the luminosity of the fellow human next to you.  Feel the pulse of humanity running through you, connecting all of us together.