Labyrinths

Stop and release

My mind is tired and confused.  I am at a point where I feel like I am having a total identity crisis.  I feel isolated and clam up.  I start to reach towards the outer world, the world of “let me just get this thing, and then I will be OK” only to realize I was waving my own red flag.  This flag looks like pride, envy and insecurity.

Physically, my body expresses the spiritual health of my soul.  Different aches and pains, heartburn, and other minor maladies that let me know I’m in the red flag zone of my well-being.  I am being urged to stop, slow down.  Be the flow.  Be the water in the stream flowing around the rock, and not the salmon fighting upstream.  Don’t fight the current, rather move to the right or to the left. 

In the midst of the chaos of my mind, I imagine scenarios that will never happen.  Catastrophes that maybe were once a possibility when I lived large and recklessly.  Although my soul has eternal youth, and drinks from that fountain daily, I am also much wiser now, thankfully.  I’m closer to the Crone than the Maiden, that’s for sure.  I no longer hear the echoes of the revelries of the past.  They’ve been loved, and absorbed by the wisdom keeper inside of me.

And I am grateful for that.  And I am happy to feel the wisdom of my ancestors around me, signaling to me that I am here, now, as I need to be, as I am meant to be. 

Sometimes I see myself in the middle of the labyrinth in my brain, and when I fail to get to the end because I can’t see over the hedges, I feel the flash of the red flag.  Again, my ancestors, my soul, my intuition, leads me and shows me the red flag is not a natural part of me.  It’s a signpost telling me to stop and look around.  It is a signal that I am reaching outwardly to satisfy the hole, the lack, the need within. 

I don’t always listen though, do I?  Of course not.  So I keep trying to get around it, keep going down one way, then another, and another, each path giving way to more frustration.  I must do this thing!  I must win!  I am expected to!  I come from Celtic Warrior Blood forfuckssake! And there it is.  Pride.  Expectations.  Self-inflation.  I talk about extracting wisdom from the past and embodying it to create a better present and future for myself.  But I still fall prey to the trappings of a mind that becomes tired and confused.

I reach a point, thankfully, where I get sick and tired of being sick and tired.  I get tired of hearing myself say the same story over and over about why I am dissatisfied.  Have you ever done that?  It becomes so irritating, that I can’t even stand to look in the mirror.  It hurts that much.  It annoys me that much!

So I stop.  I release, if only to get some quiet.  Most recently I was able to reason with myself (lots of Air energy around!) that those hedges in the labyrinth are only there b/c I put them there.  I’m reminded that the hedges don’t really exist.  I have built them. 

So why not simply remove them?  So I did.  I imagined myself in the middle as all the greenery gave way to sand, then the sea, then the breeze.  I was going with the flow.  I didn’t have anything to prove to anybody.  And neither do you, by the way. 

I am exactly where I need to be at this time.  No matter the funny looks I get for my eternal optimism that seems crushing to some or makes me look like the fool to others.  It doesn’t matter.  I am meeting the needs of my very own soul that I’m being called to meet.  Right Now.  I want to go where my energy is nourished and flourishes, not where I am diminished or depleted. 

Now I sit better with the discomfort, the uncertainty of life, the physical discomforts of my imaginative fallout. I can do this because I allow the darkness to come in, sit next to me, it looks around, then I watch it leave.  The important thing is to let the murky, uncomfortable arrogant, yucky energy in. Answer the door.  Then just as you let it in, let it out in due time.  “OK, it’s time to leave now.  I’m tired of hearing myself talk your same old story.” And then off the nonsense goes. 

From this most recent labyrinth experience, I’ve come out with some serious bits of wisdom and reassurances:  Number one, I am loved.  I am so loved, it’s amazing and no words would suffice how deeply I feel supported.  And I do feel like the luckiest girl in the world.  Number two, there can never be enough gratitude for the awe and wonder of the workings of Spirit.  Number three, when I let go of the world that I think I am seeing around me, the one that I’m not good enough to be in,  I realize it was never really there in the first place.  What exists is love, flowing abundance and high vibrational energy.  That’s what is real. 

When I go back to my roots, my authentic way of living, of being true to myself and what my intuition tells me, and keep the outside noise of the world of what I should or shouldn’t be at bay, I am home.  Exactly where I need to be. 

Mother Dragon

When I was a little girl, I wanted a dragon.  I imagined her to be beautiful, powerful and majestic.  The Mother Dragon.  Whenever I wanted to go to some far away land, or simply go for a ride, I could summon her telepathically, she’d wake up, come get me, and off we’d go.  I imagined that whenever I found myself in trouble, she’d be there for me, ready to fight for me.  She’d inexplicably show up from out of nowhere and catch me on the off chance I fell off a cliff; she’d reach me right before I hit the water.  All the kids that ostracized me or the adults that had “bad energy” around them and came near me, well, my dragon would burn them alive.  Alas, as a highly empathic and sensitive child, I immediately regretted that decision…

I still dream of my dragon.  I still dream that she comes to rescue me.  And that’s an interesting term, isn’t it?  Rescue. When the weight of the world gets too heavy, I imagine her swooping in and rescuing me. 

My world was turned upside down with my husband’s late stage cancer diagnosis in February of this year. 2020 was a walk in the park compared to that one month in 2021.  You bet I wanted that dragon to come rescue me.

I felt like I had no recourse for self-care.  Everything went dark. There wasn’t space for anything but taking care of my husband, my kids, running a business, being House Manager of our home, PR rep for the family, each separately and collectively.  I was last, again, as usual.  And I was sick and f*&^ing tired of it.  Why this?  Why now?  What does it mean?  What am I supposed to do?  How do I heal my husband? How do I run my healing practice this way? How do I help my kids?  How do I help myself? 

I went into “doing” mode and stayed there until recently.  My priorities had to shift, swiftly and dramatically, as I began to navigate the tumultuous waters that threatened my ability to BREATHE at any given moment.  I was treading water while holding the ship above my head.  Mother Dragon was nowhere to be found.  I was on my own.

Until I wasn’t.  There, in the dark corner.  She was there all along.  It was I who was ignoring her calls to be summoned.  She literally sent me to the fire multiple times to get my attention.  Thanks to the grace of the universe and the earth angels that surround me, she led me to many a fire pit where I found myself releasing, decompressing, yelling, crying, laughing, swearing, raging.  She sent me to the fire so I could see her.  She sent me to the fire so I could see me.

We have since rekindled our longtime relationship.   We have coffee together, we laugh together.  She’s the one who helps me to re-member that she and I are the same energy, the same essence, the same spirit in this human body, and that cannot be forgotten.  I am the one who will rescue me.  I am the one who will learn my lessons.  I am the one who chooses to re-prioritize, re-evaluate, re-consider and re-direct the trajectory of my path with the light of Mother Dragon’s illuminating fire.

She and I share the bond that creates the vision of the path that lay before me.  Now and always, I only see my loving husband in full and complete health, and I expect miracles.  And so it is.  I am beginning to see a change in my work which better positions me to share my gifts and talents with the world.  And so it is.  I see my writing evolve into what I’ve always wanted it to.  And so it is.  I recognize my children for the beautiful sensitive souls they are, and I remain proud and present with them.  And so it is. 

The dragon that lay in the shadows isn’t anything to be feared.  It’s not there to light US on fire.  It’s there to inspire and re-veal our very own truth that we are powerful beings when we embrace it. 

As we grow and evolve, our experiences eventually inform us of who we are and of what we can do.  When we look to our shadow for help, that’s when we learn what we are truly capable of and she encourages us to keep one foot in front of the other, just like any good mother.  That kind of knowledge and feeling doesn’t go away.  It only builds.  It’s like wisdom, no one can take it away from you.  It’s always going to remain in the library of your mind.

When I dreamt of being saved by my Mother Dragon, loved by her, protected by her, it was really just a part of me that I didn’t recognize yet.  No one is going to save me.  No one is going to save my children.  No one is going to save my husband.  We are all going to save ourselves. And collectively, those are some pretty powerful dragons that get to fly together. 

I’d encourage you to face your Mother Dragon.  Put your hand out, let her sniff it, and then go gently from there.

Thanks for listening. 
Love,
Julie.


 

Portals

Portal

PORTALS

I’ve been seeing portals for most of my life.  I’ve seen them in meditations, healings, with clients, in my dreams, or sometimes I see them sitting on the porch with a friend drinking coffee.   When I see them, it’s important.  It tells me to be extra aware of myself and my surroundings (or for a client) and how I interact with this world.  A portal is Spirit’s way of telling me that I am on the hard path, the “right” path for my growth and evolution and it’s time to summon up the courage to walk through.  I am being presented with an opportunity to change the trajectory of my life; some of it in my control, some of it not.  Sometimes portals look like doors, or glowing spots in trees, or it looks like a different configuration of air.  It makes sense that it’s coming to me now for a lot of reasons, and on some level I think I knew it was coming. 

When life gets upended we can do a couple of things.  We can freak out, disintegrate and become the victim and only ask WHY ME? And OF COURSE THIS IS MY LIFE!; We can live in denial and become separated from our emotional and spiritual bodies, experiencing pure lack of joy or gratitude in our life; or, we can do those things AND ultimately realize that there isn’t a thing that happens to us that we can’t use as an opportunity to make our own lives have a deeper meaning, and create stronger connections with ourselves and others.  Spirit’s calling card for me to do the latter is by nudging my gaze towards portals.  And here we are.

February of this year brought with it a serious cancer diagnosis for my husband.  That was a Tower card moment for me and for us (in Tarot, that’s the card that says let go because the rug is going to be pulled from underneath you whether you like it or not!).  At that time, we were experiencing a host of other personal and professional issues.  The diagnosis made some of those drop away for good, and brought to the forefront others.  We are now coming to the end of our 3rd month of this new dynamic.  In numerology, 3 marks the end of a first phase of something, the fist culmination of a larger project, endeavor, path.  And as it’s the full moon as I write this, she brings with her the permission to release all that doesn’t serve us so we can move forward.  So as I look at the time around me of this first culmination phase of the journey I’m now on, I take stock of what has been in the last 3 months and what is now: upheaval, shock, deep pain and despair, sadness, (did I say shock?), integration, some clarity, deep love, deep connection and appreciation, and now … a portal. 

This current portal I see looks like heat coming off of a hot street. It’s about 10 feet tall and 10 feet wide.  What’s different is that this time, I see myself walking through the portal. This is kind of  a new thing for me.  I’ve been on the precipice before and have seen only colors and light or hear different vibrations at these portals, but this time I see myself actually go through it.  On the other side the physical world LOOKS the same, but it FEELS very different.  I am still here at my home, but not here at my home.  It all has changed greatly, completely. But what feels completely intact is the sense of unconditional love and safety.  It’s still so totally scary though.  Who am I bringing with me?  What will be there?  How am I manifesting?  And of course, what does this look like for my husband and our family? I am very comfortable with expecting and receiving miracles.

The world I leave behind as I walk through the portal is old and heavy and no longer needs my skin.  It’s like I’m a hermit crab that needs a new home,  and I’m in the “oh-crap-I-better-get-a -new-shell-soon-or-something-is-going-to-eat-me” stage.  The reality for me however, (and not for the poor crab) is I will NOT be eaten or DESTROYED as part of the food chain.  However, if I deny myself this walk and this experience of movement through the portal, then I will die on a metaphorical level.   I’ll remain in a feverish state of agitation and crankiness.  Everything will be “fine” and opportunities for growth and change will be missed.  I will live in reaction and not response.  I will remain short of patience, I won’t attend to my energetic, emotional or spiritual wounds.  I will be tired, all of the time.  I will just exist.  I am not here to live like that.  None of are here to live like that.  We are all here to find our magic. We all have it.

I’ve had a healing session recently that has left me feeling like my skin is on fire and my mouth and throat have been scraped out.  I know, it sounds gnarly, but I am familiar with this and it’s a good thing.  It’s a good sign.  And I know that for me, it’s a reminder that this is the beginning of the next culmination.  I’m being cleansed and I’m releasing a lot of gunk on this powerful Wind Moon in Scorpio, which is the sign of death and transformation.  So I choose to walk through the portal whilst feeling so very vulnerable.  I am doing it to be well.  I am doing it so my family can be well.  I am doing it because I know it is the way for me to be able to help as many people as I can be well. 

My allies on this particular journey are birds of flight.  They remind me to take the 50,000 foot view of life.  See all the possibilities that lay before me.  Birds are clairvoyant seers, they can see what is to come long before we on earth can.  So as I walk on my path in this specific time experiencing these particular events of my life, I honor and call on bird medicine for assistance.  I am confident that as I walk through that portal, that ring of fire, my wings will not burn. I’m merely molting. 

I feel strongly that unless we all walk through our own portals, and let go of all that doesn’t serve us, it leads to paralysis; analysis paralysis, or a kind of paralysis where we forget that there is so much that happens & exists in this world that we do not see.   It all doesn’t have to happen the first go through.  You only need to start walking through the uncomfortable vulnerability until you feel loving and nurturing guidance envelop you.

How do you get there? Ask yourself: WHAT BRINGS ME JOY?! And remember, “No mud … no lotus” (Thich Nhat Hanh).  So even in the midst of your muck and mire, what feeling puts a smile on your face? What brings you up to your higher self?

My love for adventure and art brings me joy.  My love for my partner and our family and our life together brings me joy.  I love how very different my love for adventure looks now, as I approach my 5th decade on this planet, than what it did during only my 2nd decade on this planet.  I am so very grateful for this life.  As one of my guides recently told me, “You are pure love in this world, but remember you come from fierce warriors in all the other worlds!”  I can dig that. 

As I write this to you, I feel the momentum getting stronger.  I feel it for me, and I feel it for you.  Don’t let go.  Keep moving towards the portal.  It’s time. 

Long ago, I committed to living my life in only the most authentic way.  I remain true to that conviction.  So I will listen.  I will write and I will sit with the uncomfortable feelings with grace and gratitude because I know it will always transform into the healing loving guidance I’m meant to be paying attention to.

Maybe walking through a portal is like cliff diving.  I’ve never been, but this is how I imagine it goes:  first, coming up with the courage to even start running up to the jumping off point.  Then the jump.  Flying through the air, completely at the mercy of something larger than you that you didn’t realize existed until that very moment…. then plunging into the deep and resting in the silence of the water for just a moment.  Next, bursting up through the water’s surface, victorious, elated, exhilarated. Ready to do it all over again.  A new adventure, embracing a new gift of courage which, doesn’t even consider the shadows where a shark might be hiding. 

Thanks for listening. 

Love,

Julie.

“Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself.”

~Ellen Johnson Sirleaf

Beauty for Ashes

When we die, our souls return to the One Source from which we all come.  This is my belief.  I’m not preaching dogma.  I’m just sharing with you what I’m hearing right now.  When we hear certain things in this lifetime that make us stop and think, or meet certain people in this lifetime, it is significant.  Always.  So learn to love and pay attention for gods-sake.  Hear the person you get bored with.  Listen to the annoying clerk who is distracted and rambling, because they need your smile of understanding.  Say “I Appreciate You” to whomever will listen.  It matters.  It all matters. 

We learn our lessons this way, by extending ourselves and our kindness.  We learn to give, receive, forgive, love and we learn empathy.  It doesn’t matter how late in life you learn or practice these, or experience these things.  No matter who it is, or how you love, these lessons serve as a bridge to an opportunity to be who we truly are and who we can be. 

I am one of those people who tries to put as much kindness as I can out into the world.  Even now, when I feel the horrific beauty of the present moment.  Or, to borrow from Yeats, I will say a “terrible beauty is born” on this day, in this year.  2020 or 2021, this is our collective “terrible beauty” which is born.  We have been through struggles, we have witnessed others and their struggles, and have hopefully come to understand that we all suffer on some level, and it’s important to let others in so we don’t take up residence in our despair.  We can remember it, honor it and know how it shapes us and forms us.  The suffering is a lesson, a hurdle to be worked through, in the appropriate time. 

In congruence with the struggle is the acceptance.  The acceptance of death and transformation. Literally and figuratively.  But when our time is up on this earth and we leave our physical body, in what capacity are we supposed to consider our loved ones left on earth?  For instance, when I die, I know my soul flies free, goes home, and continues to evolve.  But is that what we say to our living relatives, loved ones, children, that we leave behind?  “I’m fine, don’t worry”?  What exactly are our loved ones supposed to do with our ashes?  Bury them? Honor them? Memorialize them? Pray to them? Kneel to them? Scream at them? Cry to them? Talk to them? I ask again, what in the world are the living meant to do with our ashes? The soul isn’t *there*.  Rather, it’s *everywhere*.  But they need something, don’t they? They need a place to go and do all of those things above. Let’s not leave them without a proper nest to mourn in. Let’s show them the beauty of our ashes.

Two months ago, my husband was told by a group of doctors that he is sick.  Pretty damn sick.  He could very well be dying.  This moment.  Right now.  (But aren’t we all dying in this moment, right now?)  However, I need to see the miracle instead.  I need to see the gift of the opportunity that lies before us. We can heal and be propelled to the place where we both live together in our full truth and health, always, unabashedly, together, holding hands, as we always do.  Call me foolish, delusional, the wife and mother in denial; the mystic shamanic witch that doesn’t live in this flat dimensional plane.  You see, all of those things make me a realist.  His cancer diagnosis has brought back to the surface all of that which matters most to us, thank goodness we have been gifted that chance.  I watch him sleep and feel such deep rivers of love and light and darkness all at once.  A terrible beauty is born.

Seeing the past, present and future all together, all at once, is a gift I embrace.  I see the love of my life, the light in his eyes, the love in his soul, and feel the inexplicable soulful bond we’ve had since our first date almost 16 years ago.  I see his love and feel his heart energy.  And that’s all I need to believe in a miracle.  And so it is.

Most of us have been touched by death.   Death is a part of life, a beautiful transformation in many cases.  I fully support and believe in a divine design for my life, for your life, for my husband’s life.  We are all sacred.  We are all loved.  We all have at least one other who loves us, cherishes us, wants us to live and be around.  How can this be anything but beautiful?

I listen to a meditation called Welcome Home.  Each time I listen to this, I feel like I’m dying out of this life and ascending to the others- past and present and future all turn into one.  But I still have to come back home, to here, to now, to my family with all of its imperfections and uncertainty and pain; and of course the love and the laughter, too.  This is exactly where I want to be now, in this moment of time, because I could not feel or be any more loved.  A terrible beauty is born.

How do you feel?  Are you where you want to be, around the people you want to be around?  Do you feel love? Do you have love? Do you see love? My wish for you is that you have love around you all the time, and if you don’t, find it.  Radically transform your environment so you feel love around you.  And accept that it can come in so many different forms and shapes and sizes, human or animal.  If you feel like you can be you, authentic, beautiful, ugly, unforgiving and compassionate you in the presence of another, then you’ve found love.  It really is that simple. 

I am many things, as you are, too.  I am love, faith, rage, hate, joy, god, goddess, compassion, fun, laughter… I will tell you unbelievable tales until you laugh, and then I’ll keep going… I will always tell you the truth in the most compassionate way I know how.  I will always lead with my heart. And I will always tell you a story about the beauty of our ashes and how a terrible beauty was born. 

Thanks for listening. 

Love,
Julie.

When despair for the world grows in me
and I wake in the night at the least sound
in fear of what my life and my children’s lives may be,
I go and lie down where the wood drake
rests in his beauty on the water, and the great heron feeds.
I come into the peace of wild things
who do not tax their lives with forethought
of grief. I come into the presence of still water.
And I feel above me the day-blind stars
waiting with their light. For a time
I rest in the grace of the world, and am free.

~Wendell Berry

The Art of Letting Go

and a little something about fishing nets….

I’ve recently come upon the saying, When the Fisherman cannot go to sea, he stays home and repairs the his nets. I haven’t been able to get it out of my head, so that’s my cue to get writing….

Even with all of the halt in the world, allowing me the time to repair my nets, there is still a rise of anxiety in me to get it all done. Like I have to fix all of my nets right now.   And I have actually been feeling anxious about what the future holds, too.  (The nets must hold up in bad weather!).  Could there not be a worse, more useless way to spend my time?  Have I not learned a damn thing in this past year? 

I’ve started projects, stories, bought online classes, joined memberships, left memberships, and have felt an analysis paralysis with all of the overthinking I still do.  What on earth is it going to take to get me to stop and do one thing at a time, one thought at a time, create a plan for it, then act on the one thing?  When will all the disruptions of the day stop?  When will school be back in session?  When will the dog stop barking?  When will someone in the house be able to find something without me? When will I know what the next best business plan is?  When will I have the time to execute it?  When will the excuses stop? Are these excuses? When do I get to open the windows again and BREATHE.  When will I know what my life is going to look like?  When, when, when.

Well, I’ve got news to share with you.  Spirit has officially and personally hit me in the face with a 2X4 requesting a slow-down and introspection.  So here I am, answering this nudge by spirit, writing to you about an anonymous maritime quote.  Stay with me.  Let’s see where this goes…

This is what I’ve come up with: I will never truly know the “when” of anything.  Not when I’m asking the wrong questions and looking at the wrong things.  Not when I’m trying to control all things around me as I feel increasingly out of control.  Not when I’m looking outward when I should be looking inward. 

My experience has shown me that all the good stuff comes in a moment.  It’s that gentle yet sudden awareness when I know that I am exactly where I need to be in exactly that moment, and that whatever happens, it’s OK.  And those moments build up into a vision, a sensation.  For me, it can feel like a beautiful exhale where the breath un-covers something sacred. Some kind of truth that’s been in front of me all along, just beneath the surface.   The truth that I get to choose how I respond to this gift of a life I have and I intend to respond with open arms and trust. Even when it’s really super hard.

February has presented the opportunity for me to do some fierce introspection.  I’ve gone down the deep dark rabbit holes, facing those shadows head on asking, why are you REALLY here, punk? I didn’t like it down there, but I knew I had to do it.  I think that without the restrictions we all still face, it is likely I would have grabbed these important dark moments and thrown them away without looking at them, REALLY looking at them and asking – what can I learn from you? Or, Who the hell invited you?  Maybe my overlooking the challenges would have re-created that party of three I used to frequent many years ago, that included Me, Fear and Pity dramatizing over a bottle of whiskey.  Those are parties I no longer join.  I don’t even RSVP.  But without the restrictions placed upon us, I may have missed the TRUE significance of the intense call to action that I am answering right now as I grow and evolve and shift like the rest of us at this time.   

As part of my call to action during my part of the paradigm shift in the Age of Aquarius, I choose to let go of the image that everything I’ve ever had to let go of has claw marks on it.  Buh-bye.  I choose to let go of what I thought my life was going to look like and instead embrace the present, with faith and trust, calling upon the support of all beings in the ordinary and non -ordinary realms.  I’m already feeling the results.  I am feeling a little lighter, and a little more grounded.  My courage is coming back to me.  I  may not know what lie ahead, but what I do know is that the way I appreciate each moment and live my life with gratitude and love directly influences how well or painful things turn out. 

I feel like I need to say that it is important to bear witness to all the moments.  Dark.  Light.  Neutral.  Let it all be what it is.  Don’t force the dark to be light, or the light to be brighter, or the neutral to be something.  Be in the magical moment by letting go of any control or expectation of how you think things should be.  We don’t need to be burdened with that.  It’s hard.  But that’s OK. The Universe always has our backs.   

I wonder what the fisherman is thinking when he marvels at the majesty of the sea.   Does he find peace in the sunrises that Father Sky offers for him? Is it the same feeling that I get when spirit communicates with me, or when I feel the Ancestors with me when I  open my sacred healing space? We are never truly alone.  

I imagine that the fisherman trusts in the power of mother nature and respectfully lives his life around that, honoring Her by being grateful for the time he is out at sea, watching the skies, the stars, the swell of Grandmother Ocean.  I imagine the fisherman’s trust mirrors the trust that I have in the unconditional love and support of the Angels and of the Universe.

I imagine the fisherman intuitively knowing when the time is coming to stay home to mend his nets.  Maybe he even reflects upon his past hauls while doing so.  I imagine he gives thanks for the abundance.  I imagine he understands the symbiotic relationship between himself and Her.  My intuition serves me now to mend my nets as they come to me, while understanding that it is also part of my purpose; helping to heal and mend others, as I do myself.

I am blessed to be able to do what I love.  My “work” brings me great joy.  The version of how I serve now is exactly where I need to be.  When the rest of life comes in and says, OK, time to mend the nets, then I will respectfully listen.  I will mend the nets whilst reflecting on my purpose and thinking about the intricacies of the silvery webs of my life.  (Maybe I’ll use a spider analogy next month. Ha!).

Witness + Integration + Service = Freedom.  When I remember this, my soul feels free.  My courage comes back.  I hope it works for you, too.

Thanks for reading.

Love,

Julie. 

Hawks, High Priests and Divine Love

How do we know when we’ve reached a plateau of knowledge and experience? How do we discern between the time to keep moving and when we need to stick it out? How do we know when it’s time to look for other avenues that bring us to new heights and ideas?
 
Speaking of heights, three big, beautiful fluffy hawks have greeted me in the past 12 hours. What does this mean? In shamanic practices, Hawk medicine reminds us to listen for messages from spirit that can come to us in any form. Hawk also offers us the vision of the big picture, from high above. Melchizedek (a High Priest who assists us earthlings with ascension) and the Divine Director (a part of the heart of Creator) have also visited me in the past 12 hours.  Something is happening.  I know that.  But what? And who says I want it?
 
I mean, is it so wrong to just want to stay in my own lane and move out of the way every now and then for the occasional interloper? Maybe I just need to keep an eye out for the person who doesn’t use their ticker before they change lanes.
 
Problem is, the next thing I know, my lane is overcrowded, disturbed by all kinds of nut jobs and noise and inconsiderate people.  Now all I get for staying in my lane is irritated. 
 
This is the essence and nature of individual and collective shifts.  When we think only of ourselves and our desire to be comfortable and undisturbed, we are usually looking in our own reflecting pool of fear; it shows a lot of ripples and we don’t look for very long.  What would we see if we waited long enough for the ripples to pass and see a clear reflection?  The fear of what actually might happen if we pay attention to that nudge is real.  But remember, it’s that voice inside of us that says, “take a closer look at your desires, talents and gifts you have to share with the world, because that is the reason why you are here.  You’re meant to be here.”
 
Because we all have that- gifts to offer.  Of this I am certain and if you’ve followed me at all, you already know this to be true for me.  My life’s work is dedicated to helping people find that magic and light in themselves. It’s my greatest hope for humanity that we all find it.
 
There was a time not long ago when I was experiencing nudges (pushes) from spirit to move forward, to move up and to do more, but I simply didn’t want to.  I didn’t want to listen.   I had a lovely office, lovely clients, and a lovely routine. Even if that routine made me itchy at times.  (“WHY so itchy?!” is what I needed to ask back then!).  I’ll just stay in my lane, I told myself.  I’ll be here, stay out of the way, and keep doing what I’m doing, dodging the occasional bad driver. 
 
Funny thing about that…. despite my own ignorance and ego wanting things to remain exactly as they were, even though I committed to myself and to spirit to surrender and become the best person and healer I could be, for my highest good and better, I was reminded that not listening to my inner truth/soul speak always proves to be very undesirable and even more uncomfortable than my biggest fear or inconvenience.
 
What happened? Well, the overhead on my “perfect” space became too much as my client list grew inexplicably quiet.  My meditations fell flat the more I felt sorry for myself. I was increasingly uncomfortable with just living and getting tired of hearing myself complain.  And the hip and leg pain was just too obvious; that was my own fear of moving forward.
 
Also at this time, one of my kids was having a really, really hard time at school.   And, of course, &^%$#@ COVID.
 
I have other platforms where I talk about healing stories about COVID and I’ve mentioned it here and there in this forum.  I don’t need to go on about that, that’s not the messaging for today.  But what is coming through for today is that sometimes staying in our own lane for too long simply makes us unaware of our own surroundings, a type of willful ignorance, that we begin to hurt ourselves.  And when we hurt, we tend to hurt others around us, willingly and unwillingly.
 
For instance, I needed to be present in such a way for my child that could not happen because my own inner voice and way of being, my essence, wasn’t present.  I was turning their experience into my drama.  I mean, obviously, I was there for them, I just wasn’t as effective as I needed to be.  I wasn’t paying the kind of attention that needed to be paid because I was too worried about why things weren’t working for me in my lane and oh great, now I have to deal with this!    
 
Now, this doesn’t mean that my child wouldn’t have had the same complications and experiences they had if I had not been ignoring all signs and signals from spirit that I needed to move on.  And ultimately, we did make a move that has benefitted them 1,000 fold.  However, as a fellow human being of divine light, I know that if I keep my vibration high, then those around me, especially my family, especially my children, can begin to feel their vibration become stronger and more stable, too.
 
Everything is energy.  And where or how that energy manifests and looks like means different things to different people. But whomever you are, self-sacrificing behaviors and martyrdom is low vibration (think of the expression “low hanging fruit”).  Strength and high vibration is in knowing there is a divine direction for each door we open.  The nudges we get from spirit (enter Melchizedek, 3 hawks and the Divine Director) show up to help us understand when we need to move into another lane, and allow someone else to take that spot for us.  We’ve simply outgrown it. 
 
We have proven as a collective that compassion combined with action is a sacred combination of strength and light. We don’t get there without looking at the dark, the shadow, the fear of what’s holding us back.  Looking back, thank goodness I let go.   I’ve grown so much since then and really love where I am. 
 
How many times have you had someone ask- pray for me! Pray for my loved ones!  because they are experiencing some kind of illness or hard time?  I don’t think this comes from desperation.  I think this comes from our own inner knowing that we understand the power of compassion and love mixed with intention and connection. Intention impacts the greater consciousness.  Some people’s poor health has improved and collective prayer has been credited.  Others have avoided natural or manmade disasters, and have also credited collective prayer as the reason for survival.  When someone transitions to the spirit world, we instinctively feel softer, and ask for prayers of a peaceful passing.  These are not wild phenomenas.  They are our natural states of being. It’s important to listen.
 
Intervention and purpose.  Inner study and progress.  These are natural processes for we spirits having a human experience in this world.  I am most grateful for my own ignorance during that time, as it’s made me so much wiser in the present, and a better parent.  So, now, when Hawk medicine, Melchizedek and the Divine Director come to visit, I understand that it’s time to look at the blinding gold white light beyond the door that’s been cracked open for me.

Thanks for reading.
 
Love,
Julie.
 
Decks used as part of this month’s Word are “Keepers of the Light” from Kyle Gray and “The Spirit Animal Oracle” from Colette Baron Reid.

The Season of LIGHT

Yule.  The Winer Solstice.  Twinkling lights everywhere all month long.  My favorite time of year!  I feel like I have so much I want to share with you, whilst feeling the need and the urge to be solitary, quiet, introspective.  So I’m going to do a little of both. 
 
Sometimes when I’m looking for a little motivation or prompt to write, I pull some cards.  To be fair, I love cards and don’t need that much of an excuse.  But today as I write I pulled 2 cards for myself:  The Hermit and the 3 of Coins: 
 

 
For those of you who know tarot, I mean, you just can’t make this stuff up!  This is exactly how I feel, and also a signpost for me to share with you this lovely combination of cards. 
 
When The Hermit fell out of the deck (a “jumper”) he landed right side up.  When I pulled the 3 of Coins, he came out reversed (I pictured it upright here so you can see it better).  The two cards together are asking us to do some solitary introspection about what it is that gives meaning to our life and what we need to do to get there.  Are you doing the work you love?  Do you feel like you are making a difference in this world?  Now is the time to think about these things and dig down deep into your heart and soul to see what answers you find.  For me, it’s got to come from the heart. Our life’s work and how we are meant to serve may not always be inextricable, however, there is always a thread of love and meaning we can add to our lives by living with purpose.  I truly believe that EVERYONE has a gift to share.  What is yours?
 
This time of year is so perfect and cozy for going within. We are further being nudge by these energies as the pandemic continues to rage on in the US.  Many of us are not traveling, or gathering as we usually do for the holiday season.  Use this month’s festivities of light to be the glow of your lantern that leads you to your peaceful solace, your cave of reflection, introspection and nurturing.  The Hermit understands compassion and love.  He returns from his time in solitude to shine his light of revelations unto the world.  He shares his wisdom and gifts and acts upon them. And, as the cards above show us, he enters his cave with the resolve to contemplate his craft.  What are the gifts he shares with the world that will sustain him?  The fruits of his labor will manifest in coming months.
 
The suit of Coins/Pentacles and The Hermit are also indicative of spirituality.  As coins represent all of the earthly gains we need and want to have in this world (the home, the car, the bank account) it also reminds us of laws of attraction and the agreements we made coming into this lifetime.  The more we are grateful, and show our gratitude for that which we have, the universe will respond in kind.  It is especially important to do this on the hard days.  And as the Hermit moves towards his cave, it is his dedication to his spiritual development and trust in his faith that allows him to stay there for as long as necessary; that could mean until the spring equinox, when the earth begins to stir again, or until the first sign of the longer days after Yule.  He trusts.  Do you?
 
These are some questions you can ask yourself when considering the cards above:

  • What skills do I have that I love, that I can turn into something meaningful and sustainable for myself?
  • Am I happy with what I am doing now? 
  • Do I have the courage to be alone with my thoughts?
  • Am I afraid of being alone?
  • Am I ready to search within for the next step on my path to personal and spiritual fulfillment?
  • Am I willing to take a risk, to leave the safe world behind and do what I truly want to do?
  • Is there a wise person in my life who could help me find my true path?

Other profound events this month have to do with the powerful planetary activity.  The new moon solar eclipse on the 15th was a biggie.  Eclipses are intensifying energy.  Since the new moon is a good time for intention setting and planting seeds, the energy of the eclipse amplified that.
 
I found myself writing out 4 full pages of intentions as part of my new moon ritual this month!  Wow!  Many of my intentions surrounded my healing practice and what I want it to look like for the year ahead and beyond.   So you can see how that 3 of coins and Hermit energy also resonates so strongly.
 
Also, If you’re able to get out at night between now and the 21st, you will see how Jupiter and Saturn get close enough together to create the appearance of a bright large star! This is famed to be the Star of Bethlehem.  We haven’t seen the likes of this kind of star from anywhere between 800-2000 years!  Wow!
 
And if that wasn’t glorious enough, we are also heading into the Age of Aquarius- a time of hope and new beginnings.  Old paradigms are unraveling quickly.  We will feel this shift and it will not feel good, as many transitions don’t feel great.  It’ll be like feeling the sting after ripping off the band aid.  Hang on!  Don’t lose faith.  Occupy your time with things that make you feel good, and talk to people who do the same.  Laugh.  Write.  Draw.  Tell dirty jokes.  Play card games.  Read.  Experiment.  Play in the snow.  Organize your photos.  Clean out closets. Tell someone you love them.  Whatever you need to do to keep the light in you glowing.  Expect miracles. 
 
This spring will be the new dawn for all of us.  This is the door opening to a new world illuminated with times of truth and forward movement, for the next 200 years. What an amazing time to be alive. 
 
From the bottom of my heart, I wish you all peace and the space for quiet and meaningful reflection of how you want your life to look in 2021 and beyond. Remember, the day is always darkest just before the brightest dawn. 
 
Blessed Be and a Merry Yule to you!
Until we meet again!
 
Love,
Julie.
 
 *Deck is Ciro Marchetti’s Legacy of the Divine Tarot

Find Your People

One thing I’ve always been known for is my direct nature.  Some call it candor.  Some call it unpolished.  Others still may call it something else.  I don’t call it anything.  I am just being me. 
 
Maybe you’ve heard of this saying: If you find yourself around people who want you to be someone other than who you are, then they aren’t your people.
 
Lately, somehow, I have found myself around a lot of people who aren’t my people.  And I don’t like how that feels, because on some level I always thought that all people were my people.  I mean, I thought this for a very, very long time.  I’m not an old woman, but I’m not really all that young, either.  I’ve always used my intuition to guide me in the best direction for my highest good and better, and also for the highest good and better of those around me.  I woke up daily feeling like I bring joy to myself and to those around me. I woke up daily feeling like I am guided and loved and that I am here on this earth to help people see their own true path and magnificence, and to help raise the vibration of humanity, one person at a time.   
 
Recently, however, I’ve been waking up and my mission seems less encompassing.  I find lately that when I wake up in the morning, that it is the 2nd or 3rd time I’m waking up.  My physical body was manifesting stress in such a way that I couldn’t move my shoulders or turn my head for two days. That was a deal breaker for me.  Why? #1 because it isn’t the first time it has happened.  And that really made me stop and say to myself, No More.  I am NOT living my life like this. Because that is not who I want to be.  That is not how I want to be.  And I certainly can’t help or serve other people if I’m feeling like that!  I needed help, big time.  Ironically, the people I usually count on for help, “my people,” were not available or were actually the “cause” (ha-ha- joke’s on me) of some of my agitation.
 
So what did I do to be able to sit up straight and type this right now?  The night of the worst pain I had– from my head to my neck, to my shoulders and arms, which led to abdominal cramps and restless legs, and charley horses in my toes– THAT night, I crawled into my bed at 8pm, right after I finished reading to my older child. I shut out all the lights.  I put on some low meditation music and I cried.  I cried and I cried and I cried.  And then I meditated, deeply.  Really, really  deeply.  I surrendered to my ancestors, my guides, my angels, my guardian angel. I mean, I called in EVERYONE to help me.  I surrender.  I surrender and I want to feel better.  I want to feel as I ought to feel.  Take this pain from me.  Take this sadness from me.  Take this hurt from me.  Take this worry from me.  Take this despair from me.  I don’t want it.  I don’t need it.  I am too overwhelmed to hold onto this. 
 
When I conjured up all I thought I possibly could, I finished with my most desperate plea, “Please, Great Mother, take all of this from me and transmute it into glorious compost.”  All of this suffering must be for a purpose, and that’s the only place I could think of to put it,  just in case they all didn’t get the message that I didn’t want it anymore. (LOL!).  There, in my minds eye, I saw all of my pain and melancholy flow from me in a terrible and visceral way.  She took it all.  She transformed it into a vibrant gold energy, flowing like lava, into the earth, creating beautiful things.  I felt the greatest sense of unconditional love and nurturing and safety and release then I ever have.  I felt Spirit and the angles come in and lift me.  I was finally peaceful.
 
I knew that everything I was holding onto was not necessary.  The worry and stress I was carrying and holding was not necessary.  The tension and responsibility I felt for some things was not necessary.  Perhaps I knew this on some level as I was going along, willingly collecting all of this energetic mayhem and the pile just got too high for me to see around.  So much so that it literally made me collapse.  I didn’t know how I was going to fake it for another night at story time.  I am a believer in not shielding my children from the knowledge that I am an imperfect human being, but during these times I feel that all of our children are suffering enough. I didn’t want them to feel like they had to have the burden of my weight, too. 
 
So that night, that I meditated/prayed so intently because I was in such a state of desperation, I fell asleep at some point.  And I stayed asleep until the next morning.  I woke up feeling like I was taken care of.  I woke up feeling like I had just come home from a retreat where the only focus was me and my well-being. The world literally looked more clear and focused. 
 
I still have some residual shoulder pain, but it’s getting better. And it may happen again, but that’s alright.  Because Now I know what to do to help myself feel strong again, bit by bit.   
 
I wanted to write about this now, because even though I have written so much this month (November 2020), I didn’t feel like I wanted to share anything in this forum in my rotten state. I promised myself that this monthly letter that I send out will always be an authentic and honest rendering of me, and it will be useful and helpful. I don’t want to write fluff pieces or pass on any advice that I don’t believe in.  I trust that my guides are with me on this.  And I do believe that this afternoon as I write, that this came out of me for one of you, or hopefully many of you, to know that you, we, are not alone.
 
These times that we are living in are causing people to react and respond in all kinds of ways to all kinds of situations. So if you feel tired, stressed, desperate and physically in pain, I would ask you to surrender.  Crawl into that bed at an obscenely early evening hour, shut off the lights, and listen to quiet meditation music.  Feel yourself dissolve into the mattress, see your ethereal body raise up and into the universe, notice all the colors that run through your body, and ask.  Ask for help.  Ask for the pain to be taken away.  Ask for the sadness to be taken away.  Ask to be lifted and brought to a place where your light can be rekindled and shine, for your own sake and for that of humanity. And remember to say please. 😉
 
We ALL have a light in us.  Sometimes, we just need a little help from our people, carnate or incarnate, to help give us a lift.   
 
Happy Thanksgiving.
 
Love,
Julie.

DRIFT

(I’m inviting you to eavesdrop on a conversation I had with a dear friend.  I hope you find it useful.  I know at least one of you out there will.) 

ME:
So what’s it got to do with you anyway?

HER:
Sometimes I want to drift away.  I don’t want to be here.  I want to be in the place where I go when I meditate.  I want to be in the vast blackness, the void, the center of creation and say f*ck you to all of this noise around me.  I can do this.  I have free will.  I don’t need to make excuses.  Just cut to it- see you later- I’m outta here.

ME:
Well, guess what?  I think that’s pretty damn selfish.  Yes, the world has run amuck.  But you know what? It needs to.  We are not here by chance.  You’ve heard me say it 100 times before.  The world is FULL of people like you and me who stand our ground and have faith in our relationships and connections and family.  The world is FULL of people who care and want change.  The world is FULL of people who want to smile, be happy, go to a pub with friends, go out to eat and have a babysitter, AND are willing to wait to make that happen again.  You know what I think?  I think that there are way more people who want to do that than there are people who don’t. 

Who cares if it’s a Biden supporter, trump supporter, whatever supporter.  Who cares if they believe in the corona virus or waves an oversized flag from the back of their pick-up truck.  Who cares if the hate gets louder than the love? 

Well, I care.  You care.  Isn’t that right?  Everyone is so sick and tired of being sick and tired, etc., but hey, we are at a critical time in our own personal history as well as world history.  It’s not up to one individual to change the world.  It’s not up to one person to rescue us.  Remember this, there is never is anyone coming to rescue us.  It’s a fraud.   It’s a guru who takes all your money.  Don’t believe it. 
The power of the collective change lies within the power of the INDIVIDUAL to change HERSELF.  Our own vibrations MUST be raised. High road, low road, no road- doesn’t matter.  What matters is how you manage your OWN energy.   What matters is how you treat the people around you, your family, your neighbors.  Don’t take your anger out on the innocents.  Don’t be grumpy to your family because your vibration is low, because you’re not getting what you want and you feel like you need to stomp your foot about it.  LOOK INSIDE.  That’s where it all is!  LOOK INSIDE.

Take a big, long, deep breath, hold it, exhale loudly and for as long as it takes to get all of the excess air out of you.  Now do that 3 times.  Done? Go look in the mirror.  Ask your beautiful self WHO DO I WANT TO BE?  Do you want to be angry, resentful, pissed off, cranky, nasty, bitter, riddled with anxiety, weight issues, addiction issues and constant bad breath or canker sores because you speak with such vitriol and complaints? OR do you want to wake up every day and FEEL GOOD?  Because tough nuts. It’s a choice. 

How will you wake up tomorrow?  How will you wake up November 4th? How will you wake up one week from now?  How will you wake up on 01/01/2021?

Personally, man on man, I’ve been in some slumps.  Then this all comes back to me and I get off the angry train. I realize that I have the ability to bring JOY to myself and others just by being me.  It’s within ME.  Just like it’s within YOU.  It is entirely within our control.  I will not surround myself by gossip, complainers, nay-sayers and anything else the weighs my vibe down.  It’s ok.  I can do that.  AND I can still love those people.  But if I want to see real change in the world, I need to see real change and love in my world first. If I want to be a meaningful part of this existence, that’s what I need to do.  If I want to create an abundant world for my children & grandchildren that they cannot just survive in but THRIVE in, then I’m going to do everything I can to raise my vibration and live with purpose and on purpose.  It’s time to live from the soul.  Every. Damn. Day.

Sure, it’s tempting to drift away.  Until it’s not. 

Thanks for reading!
Love,
Julie.

What is Getting Ready to Emerge?

This is my dominating thought as of late.

The new moon was on Sept 17.  2 days after my mom’s birthday, 8 days before my own.

The new moon is the time and space that shows us what to build up, what to focus on.  The new Moon is the perfect time for INTENTION setting. 

So what IS getting ready to emerge?  What is this shift we are all feeling?  What do I do as I sit in this liminal space and feel all the feels?  Where do I put this anxious energy from not knowing?  HOW do I get comfortable in such an uncomfortable space?

Global shifts are happening.  Individual transformations are happening.  We are challenging our own thoughts processes.  We are questioning our mores, our purpose and asking where we fit into this world right now.  These are all related and interconnected.  How do you suppose we all feel something at the same time? 

We are in the birth canal of the Universe. 

Now, collectively and individually, and as one interconnected being, we are experiencing the birthing pains of bringing something new and beautiful into existence.  We are feeling the contractions, the cramps, the back pain.  We are sweating, grinding our teeth, yelling, swearing at those we love most. We are crying.  We are pissed.  We are vulnerable. We are scared.

Yet, we persevere.

We still give birth.

We still recognize the miracle and hold it in our arms.

We still find time to rest.

We feel our vessel for love expand.  Even as we recover.

We are in labor now.  What will you birth?  What does the newly created miracle look like?  Embrace it.  Sing to it.  Rock it.  Nurture it with love and compassion.  What does the newly created life that you hold in your arms look like? 

From this liminal space comes miracles, new paradigms.

We realize we are resilient, we are strong, we are beautiful and we are loved.

The time to love is now.  The time to see our own true magnificence is now.  The time to lend a hand to hold another up, is now.  The time to heal and be healed is now. 

Face the darkness whilst embracing the light.  Envision the world, around the earth, and activate your sacred self, the light within.  See it shine so brightly that there isn’t room for anything else.  The shadows grow small.  The plants come back to life.  The illusions dissipate.  All that was becomes only a faint sound on the horizon, being carried away by the wind.

I remember a powerful time:

I remember a time of love

I remember a time of freedom

I remember a time of unity

I remember a time of purpose

I don’t remember which life time that’s from, but I feel it in my soul, my core, the vessel of light that I am.  That you are.  That we all are.  It can be done. It’s time.  I can feel it.  It’s in the birth canal, emerging as we read this.

And so it is.

And so it is.

And so it is.

***

It’s time for me to take my healing practice off “pause” mode. 

Scheduling links are up at juliehumphreys.com. My availability has changed significantly.  Don’t hesitate to reach out if you need something else.

Services have been changed and added. 

Go where you feel guided.  Ask Spirit and the Angels for help and then follow the breadcrumbs…

Thanks for listening.

In love and light and gratitude,

now and always,

Julie